Maxi Danger Uncut

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Fight Club, Kumamoto Style

So I is chillin' on a Sunday night after a productive weekend of teaching, drinking, studying and playing soccer, when I gets a text from my friend Gi. Gi happens to own a bar in Kumamoto, called Shark Attack, which we've been spending one or two nights at lately - so much so that were on 'texting terms' with the owner. It was a pretty short message but basically said there was a party going on, and that me and fern should come down. Shark Attack is a cosy little place, where the drink prices are reasonable, and here's the clincher - it has sand on the floor. Awesome. It's the closest thing you'll get to to drinking at the beach in the city.
Being quite partial to a few casual sunday night social beers I decided to head in and have a look. Turns out it was some dudes birthday party, so the joint was pretty packed. That said, the place is not much bigger than a decent sized phone booth, so there was maybe 15 people in there.
I was having a chat with a few peeps over in the corner of the bar when we noticed a bit of a commotion - Round 1. One extremely drunk japanese dude started a fight with his mate, right in the middle of the bar. I use the term 'fight' very loosely, as there was not much more than a little bit of push and shove, with the occasional hair-pull thrown in the mix as well. After a few stunned moments of thinking 'what the fuck is going on here?' me, fern and joel eventually realised what was happening and jumped in to break it up. I ended up bear hugging one dude (who wasn't that pissed), while fern and joel took the drunken antagonist (D.A.) outside. Luckily I'd done like 1000 push ups that day, so my massive pythons were up to the task. Gi was also in the thick of it, but cos he's a little chinese bloke he was appreciative of the help. Everyone seemed to calm down a bit, and the guy I was restraining wanted to go outside and check on his friend (the D.A), and take him home. I asked the question 'is it a good idea to let them go out so soon after one another' but was assured that the situation was under control, everyone was now calm, it'd be ok. So said friend walks outside, and sure enough within two seconds Round 2 begins. D.A. had piped up again, so it was on for young and old, just outside the bar. We all rush outside, and to make matters even more interesting D.A's girlfriend has had enough of her boyf being a complete jerk, so she decided to enter the fray as well. In typical girly fight style she started scratching, screaming and kicking at D.A. Fern got the job of restraining her while me and joel and matsu seperated the lads for the second time. It wasn't till later that one of the boys asked "so fern, did you cop a feel or what?". Charming.
By this stage it was high time that D.A was ejected from the premisis, which is easier said than done considering Shark Attack is on the eighth floor. Took me a few seconds to master the art of holding a guy in a headlock with one arm, while trying to push the 'down' button for the elevator with the other, but eventually got it down pat. Me and Gi took D.A. downstairs and politely asked him to leave, but he was all over the place. He would swing between kneeling prostrate on the ground, apologising profusely to both of us, and then two seconds later he'd be having a go again. I ended up taking out the trash - literally. He wouldn't leave so I pushed him away from the door, and he fell over into some garbage bags. Classic. He finally got the message and headed off, so it was back to the bar for some post fight analysis, adrenaline calming brewskies. Note to self - if a party ever looks like it's getting boring, just start a fight. It gives the crowd something to talk about. And they love it.
So we're getting back into the groove, when twenty minutes later D.A. rocks back in, arms swinging. Round 3. Fern was first in the line of fire and copped a weak punch to the jaw, before he managed to grab D.A in a head lock and took him to the floor. I ran over and tried the old 'kneel on the head' move as fern was copping a bite to the arm for his troubles. Three of us took him downstairs and outside, at one stage Joel had him pinned against the wall while we were waiting for the elevator, but he wouldn't get in. By this time we were all a little worked up/starting to get emotional/very angry, so I grabbed his throat and started squeezing. It seemed to have the desired effect because he was a lot more co-operative when he realised he wouldn't be able to breathe unless he went were we wanted him to. We got him downstairs and some cops were around the corner so we got their attention and left D.A. to them before heading back to the bar.
I must say that I'm not sure if I can call myself a ninja master quite yet, considering there was three of us versus one extremely drunken japanese dude. However I did get to field test a couple of choke holds that I learnt at Krav, one in particular was very effective. Also glad that no one got hurt, there wasn't a serious punch thrown in the whole thing.
This was the first barney that I've seen so far (let alone been in!), I mentioned it to a few of my students the next day, who said that they've never seen a fight in their whole lives, so I don't think it happens very often.
But, to sum up, the whole night was TOTALLY AWESOME.

Speak soon and keep punching,
Max Danger
On the Spot Enforcer

Friday, October 13, 2006

Guest DJ #1

Hey.
Been a while since I last posted. Reason: Haven't had the internet for about three weeks. Moved apartments this week, I'm now holed up in a sweet new dig, but because of the move had to cancel our connection. Back online now though which is what you want. Haven't had time to put together a decent entry, so in the abscence of an entry from myself, I'd like to introduce a new section to the Max Danger blog - the Guest DJ. I got an email from my friend who's travelling in europe at the moment with a few of her mates, I thought it was decent.

So let's kick it off. Guest DJ #1 - Laura.

hey all, finally got myself to another free internet comp so thought id send u the second bit of my groupie which is long delayed i know, i am ashamed, but here goes in dot form baby (as best i can remember)

first night in barcelona, finally met up with olivia, so good to see someone from home and the first 2 hours were spent catching up on random shit and talking about how weird it was to be in spain together. then hit the town for some tapas and drinks, and didnt take long to get pissy as we have been on a serious detox since the islands and now cant handle our grog. plus all the getting healthy has totally back fired as we are now back to drinking daily and having poo guts. went for a random walk on la rumbla to see all the freaks that emerge at night *the street entertainers are nuts and its soooooo freaky when ur blind*, and ran into some boys from the islands who we have no shit ran into about 4 times in random places throughout europe. and guess who they were hanging out with, isabella from home and away, and face of diva. sooo weird, she full on went out of her way to introduce herself, we all pretented we didnt know, but beth told me later i yelled it out when i realised but then tried to act cool calm and collected.

day 2, immersed ourselves in the spainiod culture and saw some gaudi. had a huge boobs cook up of rice and veggie stir fry for dinner, and hit the town with our 2 new recruits from the hosty, scotty and skater boy *barcelona is apparently skating mecca of the world*. all got blind and went bar hopping, snuk into another hostel, and arrived back at our place bout 5 thirty to find we were locked out due to the 3 am curfew. challenge of the night became find a comfy sleeping position on the rock hard pavement *i think i now have piles*, trying to make a pair of stilts high enough to reach the 4th floor, buzzing the buzzer non stop for a good 5 mins, and yelling out to people to let us in *one person yelling back for us to shut up*, and singing an old favourite, sk8ter boy by avril.

day 3, moved to the best hosty in the world, kabul, 200 beds, all youth, free breaky and and dinner, and massive common room where everyone runs riot, including the workers who cover the security cameras with t shirts. had a drinking comp first night there, me and liv both got amongst it and failed bad, even though i was up against the skinniest, smallest asian guy in the world. our new roomies, 4 americans, were some of the funniest peeps ive ever met i my life and we played the best drinking game in the world, called kings. was outta control and i spewed 3 times before we even hit the bars.

day 4, needed another culture hit, so went to a spainish cooking class *taught by an aussie couple from brisbane, who would have thought*. made tapas, paella, soup and sangria. all unlimited so of course couldnt control ourselves with the free alcohol, and were absolutely smashed by seven. went back to the hosty for free dinner, i managed to down 2 and half even though we had already eaten, but u all know what im talking about baby. went back out later that night to a bar and ran into the boys from BLOKES WORLD the tv show. they're doing a show on travellers through euproe. me and liv though it would be a good idea to get on camera and talk some shit, but now abit worried as to how they will edit it to make us sound like dirty trash bags, ahhhhhhhhhhhh. plus i think i mighta had a mint leaf in my teeth at the time as me and liv also thought that would be halairious. shattered. apparently its on in november, but keep that on the down low.

in san seb. love it there. total beach city, like sorrento, and hot surfers everywhere, actually there in a surfing pro comp on later this week and the san seb film festival is on atm, good timing. been hanging beach side most days, went for another serious bike ride and been doing a lot of walking and coffee drinking. also have a kitchy in the hosty so been having some serious cook offs, even had a guacoff (1) on the last night. went to a club on the second night, no aussies in sight, however at bout 4, out of nowhere, dj played the song land down under, i went absolutly offf tap, i think the girls were a little embarrased, but couldnt help it. was bloody great.

also meet a guy from melb who used to work a tony and guy hair dressers on chapel street. traveling through europe for a year and making some cash by giving hairys. anyways long story short, all got one for $15 euro, and am now feeling totally fresh baby.

last night there, we had a new recruit again, ali, from sydney on her gap year. halairious chick, always asking us the most random hypotheticals like *midget or albino* *guy who wears crocs or guy who wears reefs* *malaria or aids*. made a huge batch of sangria for our pre gaming, and made a rule to only leave when we were all stumbling. we lost ali along the way who went white and passed out before we left the hosty. hit the travellers bar, going off with aussies, kiwi, english and americas. all got totally loose, half way through night decided to head back to the hosty to write on alis face while she was passed out. ended up on the wrong floor, banging on the door when some old lady gave us a serious peep hole eye. finally made it upstairs, where i passed out and ali woke up, and i woke up to find *i love ^&$! written all over my body*, cant believe my plan back fired. so hung the next day we missed out 9 am bus. and nearly had a spew on the 11 that we got later.

in mandrid now, meet up with shan dog also from uni, good to have another team member. heading to london in about 2 weeks, getting abit nervoua bout going back to a normal life of work and all that shit but has to end at some point i guess.

hope all is well in the land of aus, shattered to be missing a good hot summer.
lots of love laura.

Thanks Laura! Editors Note (1) - Gaucoff = Gaucamole cook off.

Quick update from myself is that have been going out heaps, just for something different. The only possessions in the new apartment are those that we have managed to steal from other people, so in the abscence of knives I've become an expert at buttering toast with the back of a spoon. I gotta get moving but will hopefully post up some pics or something early next week.
Keep it real,

Maxie.